Wednesday, December 30, 2009

How To Argue With A Global Warming Alarmist

Many of our readers here at the CLF have been privately emailing me with questions on how to debate one of those kooky alarmists who think that the Earth is going to end tomorrow because of man. Boy, those end-of-timers really get to me sometimes. So I've compiled a two-way debate between an Alarmist (A) and us smart folks the Skeptics (S) to help many of you out. You're welcome.

A = Alarmist
S = Skeptic

A - I’m starting to get concerned. Ice shelves are melting at ever increasing rates. Temperatures around the globe are going up. Carbon dioxide is at or above levels not present in recorded history. It’s become obvious that man is causing or contributing to this crisis. Virtually all of the world’s scientists agree.

S - Global warming is a hoax! It’s a communist conspiracy to destroy our economy. And you are wrong. It is not every scientist. What about Richard Lindzen?!?!

A - Well the IPCC report and peer reviewed studies....

S - Peer review?! What a crock! They are all paid off with grant money. The “real” scientists that aren’t buying the hoax are in no one’s pockets.

A - But we have reliable data that the Earth hasn't warmed this significantly for millions and millions of years and that CO2 levels have been increasing at an alarming rate just this century.

S - What was that? 65 million years ago? How’d they figure out temperatures without a thermometer, genius? Thermometers weren’t invented til 1897 and I didn’t even have to google that..knew it off the top of my head, that is how smart I am!!! What say you....

A - Well we have ice cores, tree rings, etc.....

S - Oh, like that’s real reliable (snark)

A - Well, the IPCC is in, and the US and even the Bush administration admitted, with over 90% certainty, that man is responsible for global warming and the link between CO2 and rising temperatures.

S - Ok, ok, ok.... global warming may be happening, but its not by man!! Solar activity is to blame, along with cows, dinosaur flatulence, and other stuff. All the real scientists know better. Plus, you look at the ice ring data and it shows that the global warming alarmists are wrong.

A - I thought you just said ice cores weren't reliable?

S - Nuh-uh, look at the evidence. 1934 was the warmist year ever!!!!

A - That’s for the US, not globally.

S - Well look at the first 1/4 of this year, temperatures were below average!!! And it's darn cold outside my front door in Charleston, WV. I guess it's global cooling now... hahaha!

A - That’s just for the United States...but globally, temperatures are up, especially at the poles.

S - Well you aren’t up on your science. Look, they are now saying that its all a cycle. Greenland used to be a lovely, green, hospitable island 1000 years ago. Since then it's been a frozen wasteland. Now it's going back to a better, warming place.

A - Greenland is just one small region, we can't use that to represent global change...but also, Greenland's ice cap is hundreds of thousands of years old and covers over 80% of the island. The vast majority of land not under the ice sheet is rock and permafrost in the far north. It could not have been that different just 1,000 years ago. Besides, the historical evidence showed that the Vikings lived a harsh and meager existence on that island, which disputes your claim that Greenland was lush.

S - You calling me a lush!!! I quit that stuff since I turned myself to God; who, by the way, you obviously do not believe. Man is not God, he could not have changed the climate. Besides, it was probably HAARP that did it.

A - HAARP is a US government program that sends high energy into the atmosphere that some suggest is part of the Star Wars defense system. So, you're saying that Man IS God.

S - Nuh uh, its all a hoax!!! It's all to enrich Gorey and his Ilk. It's a global conspiracy to put us all under one-world government and to ration energy sources. Case closed.

A - I'm rendered speechless at your stu...

S - Studious analysis of the facts!!!! Thank you for the compliment.

A - Actually, I was...

S - Too late, you admitted I won. You lost. Nuff said.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Ted Nugent Wants Obama Jailed

The well-informed political analyst, historian, and sometimes rocker, Ted Nugent, astutely determined that Obama should be jailed. Here's his recent quote to some crappy magazine:

"I think that Barack Hussein Obama should be put in jail. It is clear that Barack Hussein Obama is a communist. Mao Tse Tung lives and his name is Barack Hussein Obama. This country should be ashamed. I wanna throw up."

I am forever thankful we have pro-American rockers to guide us through these confusing times.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Obama's Citizenship In Question

One of the most important legal cases in the history of our republic will be heard on January 10th, 2010. The long-questioned citizenship of Barack Hussein Obama, a very attractive KENYAN native, will finally be settled. For the past twelve months, conservatives have rightly questioned whether or not the president is or is not a U.S. national.

Unquestionable sources, like attorney Orly Taitz, have time and again produced multiple Kenyan birth certificates for our usurper-in-chief. No matter how sexy he may be, if he is not a U.S. citizen by birth, he does not qualify for the office of President of the United States.

His aged grandmother, a Kenyan native, has said that Mr. Obama was born in Kenya. While such an advanced age has led to confusion in others, Obama's paternal grandmother is certainly NOT senile. Old people in Kenya would certainly NOT lie for a few American dollars to keep them from eating thin, watery corn gruel passed out by aid workers.

Following a certain verdict that will nullify the election results and embarass the Democratic Party for not dong their homework and paying off as many Kenyan offiicials as Orly Taitz, I wonder what kind of position America will be left in. Vice President Biden may become president, but conservatives could always challenge this as fruit of the poisonous tree. If Obama was not a viable candidate for the presidency, all votes of the Electoral College would have gone to the mccain/PALIN ticket. As John McCain is a member of the Senate, our heroine, Assembly of God ambassador and foreign policy master Sarah Palin would be the rightful President of these States United.

Surely, Mrs. Palin's resignation from the insignificant post of Governor of Alaska was meant to free her up for this verdict. This will pave the way for Todd Palin, who NEVER had a bi-curious moment when our snowmobile stalled out near Anchorage (I'll never forget the sting of his goatee against my face in this NON-TRUE moment of bliss), to become the first "First Dude". He's far more attractive than Michelle Obama.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Public Option Kapoot!

"Ce-le-bra-tion time... come on!"

Well I for one, and I'm sure many of our faithful readers here, are so proud that the Republicans and tea-baggers alike have destroyed any hope for a public option in the health care bill. But let's not forget that SanFran Pelosi, Harry Sneeze, and Barack Hussain Obama should get partial congratulations for their wilting stance and slide to the center-right yet again. I can't tell you how gracious I am for the Demoncrats to not only look for compromise with us (since we are always compromising with them), but to simply throw out one of their stupid big ideas altogether. Now, some of you may say... what about Medicare being available to 55 year olds now? Well, just watch that go in the tank because that will break it and it just isn't sustainable - unlike the private insurance industry where the market always does what's right.

More later...

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

A Return to Serious Political Discussions

We here at the CLF have all enjoyed the recent diversions of artistic talents by Michelle's son and Marvene's grandson. I am sure Spencer and Marvin will go far in the field of Christian art. In keeping with that theme, a group of grown up Christian artists have opened up my eyes to a serious matter of political and social importance....

Side hugging.

Even I was not aware of the dangers of frontal hugging amongst our non-married community. Frontal hugging is just a gateway to more sinful behavior, such as necking and hand holding. Side hugging is clearly the way to go. And I have to thank the good folks at TFH for putting this pertinent issue into a rap song, complete with dancing and sirens!! Enjoy.

Clearly, these are tough street kids who have turned their life around due to Christ. They even said they were rough riders, which I heard first in a DMX song a decade ago. DMX was very hard core, so these young rappers must truly be rough riders by any definition you can think of.


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