Hello. My name is Winston Mullens. I am glad to join fellow conservatives using freedom. I am a life-long Republican; a believer in small government, family values, creation, and the right to bear arms. Especially at abortion clinics.
Today, fellow conservatives, I want to warn you of humanity's most grave threat. In 1993, NASA discovered the existance of Planet X, at the time considered to be a benign planet just outside of our solar system. NASA, under the liberal leadership of the evil, sex crazed, amazingly handsome William Jefferson Clinton, took little notice of this supposed planet tumbling towards our own. NASA stopped answering questions about this issue in 1997, a point that will be important later.
Under the smart, steady leadership of President George W. Bush, we discovered many things about the lack of importance of public opinion on government, the lack of importance in international opinion in international matters, and how high government spending can be a conservative ideal, as long as it's about bombing people who are different than us. However, even the good President Bush could not re-direct the liberal, atheistic, evolution believing NASA into continued investigation into the greatest threat to mankind.
Biblical prophecy tells us the end of the world is near. My Assembly of God church,which Reggie should join, knows that the end is near, as does Sarah Palin. Even the ignorant, pagan Mayan Indians saw that the end of the world would come in 2012.
I am here to tell you of the impending doom of humanity. Planet X is not a planet. It is a small, unignited star headed towards our planet. Stars such as these are known as brown dwarfs. As any astrophysicist will tell you, most solar system are binary in nature. This means that in any given solar system, there are two stars, not one. Our second star is Nibiru, the bringer of disaster. Nibiru passes through our orbit once every 3,600 years. The last time Nibiru came through our part of the galaxy, it destroyed a planet, which is now the asteroid belt past Mars, tilted the Earth's axis, and caused the Great Flood that Noah saved humanity from.
Nibiru is returning. Since the inauguration of President Barack Hussein Obama, Nibiru has picked up speed towards our orbit path. The "administration" of our "president" has killed funding for tracking Nibiru in favor of insane projects, like returning to the moon or getting man on Mars. The gravitational pull of this immense brown dwarf has altered the temperature of our planet, as well as our weather patterns, leading to Hurricane Katrina. You see, the downfall of America can always be blamed on something brown. As the days left till the end of humanity shorten, we will see increased temperatures and storm activity. Our liberal adversaries will continue to blame this phenomenon on the burning of "fossil" fuels. Since dinosaurs never existed, as they are not mentioned in the Assembly of God Bible, this is impossible.
Nibiru's return can have several outcomes. If we are smart enough to elect a proven, no-quit, Assembly of God leader like Sarah Palin in the 2012 election, Nibiru will likely fly by our planet, causing massive ecological devastation while killing off the 50% of the population of Earth that is non-Christian. However, if we again elect Barack Hussein Obama, a known Muslim, domestic terrorist, foreigner, and exceptionally handsome black man with a large penis, we will spell certain doom for our planet, with fatality rates expected in the highest 90th percentiles. Make sure to prepare for this disaster by purchasing an underground bunker, weapons, ammunition, Alex Jones DVD's and books, autographed Sarah Palin pictures, foodstuffs, electric generators that run on gas, gas, and an air filtration system, most preferrably from Halliburton, the least profit driven corporation in the history of man. Thank you for your time.