Thursday, April 23, 2009

Local Man With Initials J.C. Acts Very Un-Christ-Like

As some of you may know, I am a big fan of true crime shows like Nancy Grace, Predator: Raw, Cops, and Real Stories of the Highway Patrol. They reveal our men in blue for the heroes that they are. And they show all the bad guys who are perverts or drunks or addicts getting their just-desserts. Which is why I always make it a habit of opening up the police blotter page in my Daily Mail. Not the Gazette, they are only interested in criminalizing the captains of industry who create jobs. The Daily Mail knows who the real risks to our society are: drunks who pee in police cruisers.

Charleston Patrolmen J.E. Noland and J.D. Koerber were working early Sunday morning at the intersection of Loudon Heights Road and Bridge Road when a man passing by in car began yelling expletives at the officers and called them "pigs," the complaint said.


The driver was identified as Christopher James Ballard of 58th Street and the passenger, who had been yelling, was identified as Julian James Chippett, 36, of Smith Road, police said.

Ballard told Koerber that he was giving Chippett a ride home as a favor, the complaint said. Koerber frisked Ballard for weapons and found a clear plastic bag containing 5 grams of marijuana in his front pants pocket, police said. Ballard was arrested and charged with simple possession of marijuana.

Chippett was arrested for disorderly conduct and placed in the back of Noland's police car.


After arriving at police headquarters, officers discovered a large amount of urine in the backseat of the cruiser. Police said Chippett urinated toward Noland's seat, and that they found urine on the back floorboard, the back of the driver's seat, the rear door and the back seat.

Officers said the vehicle had to be treated as a biological hazard and would be taken out of service until it could be cleaned and new interior parts could be installed. The car's floor mats were disposed of at the police station.

I normally wouldn't make a big fuss about some drunk using a police cruiser as his own personal toilet, but I think people with certain initials should live up to their duties. Take my uncle Gerald Browner. Can you guess what his middle name is? That's right, William. So shouldn't I expect Gerald to live up to the standard set by good ole George W Bush, Jr. Your darn skippy I do. Gerald is a good Christian and a Republican, like GWB. He is a reformed alcoholic and father of two girls, like GWB. Only difference is that Gerald has always been phenominaly unsuccessful in business even though his Dad, Gerald Harold William Browner, did everything he could to help his son. Poor Gerald was not gifted with GWB's work ethic and do-it-yourself-ishness.

So, I admit, the intials do not necessarily make up the man, but if you go around calling yourself J.C., as this peeing bandit may have refered to himself, you have a duty of not acting like a complete piece of poo (sorry for the cursing but I am just upset right now). Would Jesus call the cops pigs? No, he had a complete respect for authority. Would Jesus do anything to defame public property? I think not. So, when this young J.C. gets out of the pokey, I hope he asks himself: WWJCD?


Fuido Pandudi said...

Right on Reggie! But I think you missed the boat somewhat because our finest in blue did not interrogate the perpetrators fully. They should have been subject to enhanced interrogation techniques. You and I know what that means. I'm convinced that a terrorist plot would have been uncovered. In any event we can blame the commie left wing president for doing away with these perfectly legal torture (oops) techniques

Bachmann2012 said...

Yo Fuido. Enough with with comments. We need some real contributions here or I'm taking away your privileges.

How about a blog post on that socialist Obama being amigos with Chavez. ?Hablas espanol, no?


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